Magnet
by EmmyGoldsworthy13
Summary: What if Clare was questioning suicide, but a certain English partner/boyfriend saved her without even knowing? One-shot. Dark Fic.


**This is totally opposite of Clare, but I'm experimenting with different ideas. So, yes. Here is this extremely short, darker one-shot that you probably won't like. **

***Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of it's characters.**

What would you do, if you felt sick every single time you looked in the mirror? How would you feel, if you felt fat and disgusting, and you felt like everyone was always staring at you? What would you do, if you were ashamed of the body you had? How would you feel, if you had that one person that was always pointing out your flaws? How would you feel, if you knew that you would never fall in love and get married, because no one would ever love someone as ugly as you?

Well, my name is Clare Edwards. This is what goes through my mind every single day. And, they're my most private thoughts, my every fear, my own _reality._

These are the thoughts that made me want to disappear off the face of the earth. The thoughts that made me contemplate erasing myself.

Oh, no, I don't wallow in self-pity. I act like my bubbly, sarcastic, loving, innocent, normal façade that I put on for everyone.

_Because if I act normal, no one will suspect a thing. _

Nobody will know that inside my heart is shattering into a million tiny pieces.

In the locker room, Jenna told me how I'm a fat prude. She said that nobody will ever love me, and after a while, I believed her. I believed every single word.

But, for a second, the dark-haired, sarcastic, cynical, witty, smart, green-eyed, smirking boy lets my mind wander from all of the self-loathing, into our own little world. A world where everything is perfect, where nothing will hurt us, where I'm safe from all of my thoughts. I feel free when I'm around him, and he brings out a side in myself that I didn't know I had.

Whenever he smirks, or makes a cute comment, my stomach turns into a heaping mess of butterflies. It's sick, really, how happy he makes me feel. Sometime's I wonder to myself: _Is he even real? _

But, what really made me happy, is that he hated himself, too. He hated himself for fighting over something stupid, which made the love of his life go out in the middle of the night on her bike and get hit by a car. He hated that, if it wasn't for him, she would still be alive. She would be alive, and young, and have a bright future of becoming whatever she set herself out to be. But he hated himself, because he blames himself every minute, of every hour, of every day. He knows that if he hadn't been so stupid and arrogant, she would still be here.

I felt less alone, knowing that I wasn't the only one who hated to look in the mirror, because I hated what I saw. He felt the same way.

And that's what drew me to him. It was like a giant magnet, pulling me towards someone who had a mutual understanding of what it felt like to hate yourself. We hated ourselves for totally different reasons, but we both felt the same pain.

That magnetic pull that I felt whenever I was in the same room as him, that's what made me fall in love with him. And I think that same pull, made him fall for me, too. I told him my secrets, my innermost thoughts, the things that go through my mind every day. I knew I could trust him.

So, when we go out on our dates, I'm the happiest girl alive. He makes me _so_ happy. I know this is a cliché, but he _gets_ me. Whenever I'm with him, I forget about all of the negative things and think of the good things in life.

The airy, lovey-dovey feeling in the pit of my stomach every time our lips touched. I _lived_ for that feeling.

I live for him. _He's my everything._

So, my name is Clare Edwards. And Eli Goldsworthy is the love of my life; and he saved me.

_**End.**_

**So, yeah. There it is. A story about contemplating suicide and self-loathing. I know what you might be thinking, and no, I didn't base this off of myself. I just wanted to try something different, and not something that's all happy and cute. LIKE? LOVE? HATE? REVIEW!**


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